Since she was an easy catch for me, I kept things casual from the beginning itself and even planned on how I would end our affair once we went our respective ways, to different cities for our MBA/job. But, one can’t plan life and I realised this fact when we actually parted ways in life after 6 years.
We were together through ups and downs, we fought, we broke up, we cheated, we forgave but there was something strange which would not let us think of any other person as our “lover”. The word love was reserved only for her. There was magic in the air when she was with me. Then came a time, when we started planning our marriage. While I had no doubts about the fact that I loved her, the idea of marriage gave me a cold feet. I was not ready for it, partially because I was scared for our future since we had a history of break ups and cheating. Also, mostly because I felt I would be choked and gagged if I enter the arrangement.
I still remember the night, when we had a huge fight and she asked me for a final answer on our marriage and I coldly said, “No”. It was not that I didn’t love her or was afraid of a commitment; I was simply scared of marriage and its fall outs. Anyway, my refusal to get married had a greater impact than I ever imagined. She got married 4 months later, and I immediately realized I messed up.
It’s been 3 years since then, and I am still madly in love with her. I tried getting over her by getting into a couple of relationships, but none lasted for more than 3-4 months, as I was unable to love anyone else. It is surreal, but I still feel her fragrance and dream about her often. We laugh when together in my dreams. However, I only realised the depth of my love for her when this particular incident happened. One day, after searching for her profile on Facebook (we are not friends on Facebook anymore) I came across a picture, which had her holding a little baby, a baby girl to be precise. I couldn’t control my emotions and gushed at the fact that she had become a mother.
I cried because I was happy for her. Strangely, that day I actually felt my fatherly instincts taking me over. I wanted to hold her baby. Well, it’s astonishing that when you love someone, you just love everything that is hers. And I think, not everybody is lucky to experience love and its intensity. There’s only one person, who can make you feel that way and when you find that person, don’t let that person go away, the way I did.